I got chris browned last night
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
