How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish