Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls