I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So vagazzling was a success