Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
love makes seman taste better
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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