xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS