i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
