I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.