I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.