We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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