fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
