that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
