We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ladies don't puke and tell
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
