Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
