Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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