You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I want a musical about memes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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