ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How external is "for external use only"?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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