U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
