i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
