I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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