I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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