That's intense
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
