All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
