you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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