carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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