Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Your cock deserves a montage
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
