i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
