I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
