I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
