I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
