apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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