I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
