is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
