Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
