The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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