is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just want nice things and good sex
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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