I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
