So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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