my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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