in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
