The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
