dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
