You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
