Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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