im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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