I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
