Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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