I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
