Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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