You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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