hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
