I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
