just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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