dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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