he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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