When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
