shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
