I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
