Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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