I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
