"it" just moved
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
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We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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