Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
