i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
