Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he was CRYING into my vagina
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
