just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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