I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
