Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
