barbara walters just said penis...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize