I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
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we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
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If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.