Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
