I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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