I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
