Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.

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  (416): Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine. http://tfl.nu/wzgr
  Replies (4) Good night (2283) Bad night (612)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.

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  (618): i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette. http://tfl.nu/cqrz
  Replies (38) Good night (1463) Bad night (7314)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there

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  (713): well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there http://tfl.nu/feia
  Replies (19) Good night (675) Bad night (5436)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.

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  (617): Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem. http://tfl.nu/80or
  Replies (16) Good night (1150) Bad night (6155)
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  (408): View more from California

  You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.

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  (408): You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien. http://tfl.nu/6kyj
  Replies (23) Good night (1933) Bad night (4276)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.

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  (816): Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night. http://tfl.nu/m82p
  Replies (9) Good night (3288) Bad night (1222)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.

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  (907): I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement. http://tfl.nu/8kf2
  Replies (13) Good night (4418) Bad night (913)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid

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  (509): And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid http://tfl.nu/oqc1
  Replies (9) Good night (3579) Bad night (792)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..

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  (828): Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask.. http://tfl.nu/ioqq
  Replies (8) Good night (673) Bad night (2619)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!

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  (918): Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter! http://tfl.nu/uf3h
  Replies (12) Good night (891) Bad night (1526)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.

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  (770): Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station. http://tfl.nu/w23s
  Replies (7) Good night (1219) Bad night (851)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.

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  (770): I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle. http://tfl.nu/skko
  Replies (0) Good night (920) Bad night (376)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.

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  (309): you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits. http://tfl.nu/xhq2
  Replies (1) Good night (725) Bad night (346)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious

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  (906): too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious http://tfl.nu/wso0
  Replies (7) Good night (1050) Bad night (390)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.

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  (301): Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher. http://tfl.nu/xgiu
  Replies (2) Good night (1209) Bad night (445)

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