"it" just moved
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
