Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
