I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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