i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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