The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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