Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
