Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
