forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
