the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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