Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Randomize