My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
God, I missed his penis.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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