ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
