Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
